Every year, community members comment on how wonderful it is to hear directly from our AmeriCorps members. We had several members share what they've learned this year and reflect on their service. It's so very meaningful to hear from members this way.
Two members were unable to attend graduation but wanted to share their experiences so we've posted them here. We hope you're inspired by their words the way we were!
From Kerry at Step Up Greensboro:
I joined Americorps because I needed a job and it seemed
like a halfway interesting thing to do with my life in this in-between place
that I found myself floating in. Over the last the 5 years I’ve moved around
quite a bit and have worked several different kinds of jobs, in search of
something that I was mildly passionate about. It really wasn’t until I started
my position at StepUp Greensboro that I began to feel like I was getting close
to that. I began my position as an employment counselor at StepUp, very nervous
and greatly lacking in confidence. I felt my age quite keenly as most of the
individuals on my caseload were 15 to 20 years my senior, or only a few years
younger than myself. I cannot say that, I now am the best case manager in the
world, or that I feel like it’s what I should do as a career; but it taught me
that I have important things to share and teach to others and that I don’t have
to provide all of the answers for someone’s problems. Often, a listening ear
and some kindness is much more healing to a person than someone who tries to
“fix” them. I’m so grateful to have had
this experience as it’s changed how I do relationships with friends and family,
really how I communicate in general.
The encouragement and love that I received from the staff at
StepUp has become a large part in my growing-up-metamorphosis and I’m beyond
thrilled that I get to join that team in September as the Volunteer
Coordinator! I’ve decided to attend Guilford College in the fall to pursue their
Community and Justice Studies major, with hopes of pursuing a career that
largely revolves around helping others find their way and helping them feel
cared for. I could never have foreseen having this kind of direction in just a
year’s time, but I’m so happy that it’s happened. Who knows where I’ll end up,
but for now, I’m going in the right direction.
From Tiffany at Mary's Homes
Reflections: My time with AmeriCorps and the lives who impacted me
My time with AmeriCorps has finished. There is a part of me that is left feeling a bit saddened. It went by so fast and a year just doesn't seem like enough time. There is a lot to reflect on about my experience, but the greatest, most profound moments I had were shared with the women and children I worked with. My role as an AmeriCorps member was case manager working with recovering women and their children who have experienced chronic homelessness. I prepared myself going into this role as an educator; reviewing and refining skills and knowledge I thought would be most beneficial to the clients I would begin working with. Little did I know I would enter into this role as the learner; the women and children I worked with were my teachers.
I want to share with you what I have learned.
There are no silver bullets, people's needs change, and relationships matter more than programs.
Perhaps this set of insights has shaped my work on solving social problems more than any other. The women I have worked with have benefitted from a combination of in-patient treatment, out-patient treatment, support groups, therapy, friends, and mentors. Each could claim them as an outcome. While all were valuable, none were sufficient. Listening to these women, if many of them were to measure their effectiveness, the would rank them by the extent to which they helped to establish relationships that existed outside of institutional frameworks and were there when they needed them most. It was nurturing, supportive, and relevant relationships with peers and mentors who could nurture them, push them, and hold them accountable that have made the greatest impact. And it was mutual support, many women did the same for others. It was a collective, reciprocal support system.
The journey to eaches individual "outcome" was and continues to be a rollercoaster ride. There is not linear causality from any one intervention to outcomes, but a whirlwind during which they need different kinds of intervention and support at different times until they finally settled on a positive, sustainable path. I also know that what worked for one woman would not work for another. Some need a more flexible, nurturing program. Others need a more prescriptive, rigid program. Space is also needed for acceptance; some people require more than one opportunity to succeed. In recovery, when someone fails and comes back, people welcome them rather than shun them. They also understand that some people, due to mental illness, trauma, or other issues may find success more elusive; this is why it is crucial to keep welcoming them back. I would argue with policy makers, funders and other programs who think there are simple, singular solutions to help people living complex lives with changing conditions and circumstances. In the end, it is the support of people not programs that make the greatest difference. The best experts are those who've been there.
Addiction does not discriminate
Race, religion, socio-economic status, education level– none of these are predictors for whether or not a person will fall into addiction. The women I worked with who came for healing, love and acceptance had a variety of backgrounds.
Mentors matter most
I learned that one of the first things one does in recovery is ask someone to be a sponsor -- a mentor to show them the ropes and who is willing to be on call whenever temptation or trouble threatens. Here is where I cultivated a deeper understanding of "mentorship" the value of finding someone who you aspire to be like, learning how they got there, and asking them for help. Seeing these deep relationships with my clients and their sponsors helped me more effectively apply this same lesson within my career and leadership-- and continue to do so, engaging mutual support from peers, an executive coach, and other parents.
Recovery and transformation take time--a lot of time.
Why is it that so many 30-day programs don’t work? Mostly, I realized, because they failed to address the root causes of addictive behavior. “Just say no” is easy to say, and harder to do; rather than simply targeting the addiction, we have to dig deeper and ask what has caused the addiction, and heal that.
" We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.
Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between people when it exists within each one of them--we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare." --Brene Brown
Own your mistakes and failures
I learned another element of addiction recovery is to make a list of all the things that had been done wrong to others, and a list of all the people who had been harmed. There were many times I would sit for hours and talk with my clients about these actions, the people who were effectd--many of which were their children--and the everyday struggle it was to take responsibility for, accept, forgive and move forward. Shame and guilt can be a powerful beast. EVERY one of these women described this as a scary, humbling experience. I learned in recovery, you put your cards on the table all the time, admitting weaknesses, failures, and struggles and learn that you are still OK and worthy of love. You learn that you are not alone, and that few are unique in terms of our failures and struggles. It was a powerful lesson that it is OK to screw up, as long as you own it, learn from it, and grow.
However, not everyone is ready to change.
During my time some women were more invested in their recovery than others. It is hard work to face yourself, to own up to your mistakes, and to understand the depth of consequences. Not everyone is always ready for this. Sometimes it takes a long time to be ready.
Welcome and don't judge others' stories
The women I worked with came from different communities, racial and ethnic backgrounds, and sexual orientations. Some had been to jail, had been gang members, teen parents, and affluent young adults. I walked in thinking I knew them all from my instant, biased judgments. Then I began learning their stories -- their passions, struggles, and dreams. I realized how ignorant my biases were, found what we held in common, valued our differences, and felt grateful for the privileges I now understood that I had despite my challenges. As I began going to meetings and support groups with some of my clients, I was often surrounded by an even more diverse mix of adults. At my first meeting, I sat with three senior citizens, a handful of women who looked my age, middle aged white men--many different people. I deepened my relationship building and tried not to assume I knew anyone's story until I listened to it. I have learned there are people in recovery whose attitudes, quirks, or opinions can drive me crazy. Some choices I do not understand completely. I am learning everyday to cultivate my empathy, patience, and acceptance. I have to allow myself to be pleasantly surprised by those I've judged, which has happened many times. This work and experience has solidified my belief to never to define someone by the biggest mistake they've ever made, as I certainly never want to be defined that way.
Practice acceptance, forgiveness, and gratitude
I've also learned from persevering through many struggles and tragedies, and watching many others persevere through even greater struggles and tragedies than my own, to be more accepting and grateful of life on life's terms. The serenity prayer has been a mantra for many of the women I worked for years: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. These women have helped me see that know that no matter what happens, if I maintain perspective, remain grateful, and reach out to others for help, I will persevere. They are perserving and it is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. Most importantly, I am reminded that I cannot control many situations, only how I react to them and grow from them. It is not easy and I can forget in reactive moments, but these lessons have helped me through many personal and professional struggles. These women have shown me the graciousness of gratitude for many lessons learned "the hard way."
One afternoon sitting and having a conversation with one of my clients, she described an unfathomable act of violation to her as a child that continued into her teenage years. While telling her story, she looked at me and said if she did not forgive that person would always control her life, her peace, her ability to love and be intimate and ultimately her sobriety. My heart was both heavy and full of admiration for her. How could she forgive? I sat with this question for many weeks. Thinking about her. One morning, sitting and having coffee I just broke down and started crying. This woman, in all of the human ugliness she had experienced was able to extend a beautiful part of humanity--forgiveness. I've learned through her just as I wish for forgiveness when I've wronged, I must always be willing to forgive when I've been wronged. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies. Forgiveness isn't automatic, it requires owning mistakes and changing, but it must always be available.
Pay it forward!
Recovery is predicated on servant leadership -- as we learn and grow, we are responsible to pay it forward. I feel that responsibility and know that I cannot deny help to someone else that has been provided to me. We share our stories, as I do now and these women have done so graciously with me, to offer each other our lessons and hope. We are ever interconnected to one another, responsible to each other for support. It is important to share and pay forward this support.
During my service, one of my clients, who have five years into her sobriety, would speak with me about one of her friends; a friend battling an addicition to crack cocaine. He had been to treatment, meetings and had support. When he would leave treatment, they would we met a few times to talk, attended a recovery meeting, and she would advised him on a fairly standard program for his first 90 days and offer him the best support she could. It wasn't working for him, and when he rejected her and others' advice, she worried that he might not be truly ready or committed to change. He earnestly argued for an alternate path he felt would work better. Knowing that he is responsible for his own choices, she just asked him to be honest if he starts struggling and be willing to then try a different way. They've continued to spend time together and he recently celebrated six months sober. She called me two weeks before my last day of service to share in her joy and the gratitude he had extended to her for her support. I couldn't help but smile. She was paying it forward and I was able to be a spectator in such a fruitful happening, but I'm also quite thankful to HER for grounding me back in my story and helping me continue practicing these principles, learning, and growing.
Understanding how change happens in people's lives, seeking mentors, owning mistakes, suspending judgment, letting go, forgiving, and paying it all forward -- these are priceless leadership lessons I've learned in an unusual way. I'm certainly not perfect at them, but they've been a great set of insights and principles to guide my life and leadership. I will forever be grateful for the opportunity, to be in some small way a part of these women's lives, and with greater gratitude, for them to forever be a part of my life.
